Parents
by Anhilare
Summary: They're great, aren't they? They do fun things, like prank sleeping teenagers. This is sleep-deprived crack.
1. Sleep

**I have no homework and I'm bored.**

 **So y'all get this.**

* * *

3:00 AM.

Of all the ungodly hours to arrive, it had to be 3:00 AM. Marinette sat 90 upright and waited for the inevitable—

"Mari! I can't sleep! It's so cold and dark and lonely at my house!"

—melodramatic Adrien Agreste.

"Ugh. _Adrien_ " huffed Marinette." _What are you doing at this godforsaken hour._ "

"I was alone and sad. Can I be with you for a bit?"

This was nothing she wasn't used to. Every night, without exception, something would compel Adrien to waltz over to her house, cuddle with her a bit, then fly back to the mansion. She knew the reasons were all trivial and Adrien didn't really care about them. He is just selfish. That is an objective fact.

So Marinette begrudgingly agreed.

 _The day will come when I have to teach him self-control,_ said Ladybug.

 _Aw, but he's so cute and sweet, coming all the way here just to see li'l ol' me..._ replied Marinette.

Marinette won. She usually does.

Soon enough, a pajama-clad Adrien was snuggled into his Lady's arms, humming while she stroked his hair.

It was like usual. Soon enough, it would be time for Adrien to make his way home, and no one would ever know that he was there.

Naturally, the Universe judged that as _unfun_ , so it interfered.

"Oh my me," said Yahweh. "I've had enough of waiting for something to happen."

"I know, like, same," replied Anhilare. "We can't just keep this to ourselves."

"Everyone should know!" agreed Jesus Christ.

So the Divine Powers That Have Way Too Much Time On Their Hands™ decided to use their divine influence to cause stirrings on the mortal world.

Adrien fell asleep in Marinette's arms, and she soon followed.

Too bad it was Sunday. (well, _technically_ Monday now, but...)

About a half hour later, Tom Dupain awoke to start his day.

Tom wanted to do something nice for his family today. What compelled him to, I don't know, but We Up Above couldn't have designed anything better.

"Today I'm going to make a delicious breakfast for my entire family, to show how much I appreciate them. I will personally wake them up before their alarms go off to make sure that they have as much time as possible to enjoy anything." At the time of speaking, Tom was unaware of the fact that his house now had four people rather than three.

Hehehe.

Tom decided to wake his wife first because she was easier to wake up. After about five minutes of gentle prodding, Sabine Cheng was out of bed and preparing to start her day.

Marinette was completely smothered by Adrien. He was on top of her. She might as well have been invisible. Now, imagine Tom's confusion when he saw that his daughter had gotten a haircut, dyed her hair, grew half a foot, and went transgender in a single night.

"Marinette!" lamented Tom. "What happened to you?" Tom ran over to 'Marinette' and started shaking 'her' awake.

Adrien was having such a nice dream. It was about a boy who followed a girl he liked, always reminding her that he would always love her. He was just getting to their first kiss when—

"Marinette! Wake up! Today you can be not late to school, for once."

Adrien turned over. He moaned as his two dream characters made out, their hands moving down to—

Tom *gasp*ed as he saw his 'transformed' daughter. "Marinette! I know you have a crush on Adrien, but that should be no excuse to get plastic surgery during the night. And you should've also told us about your transgender orientation. We would've—"

Tom noticed 'she' was clutching something. Curious, he peeled back the blanket, only to reveal...

"Ah! Marinette! _What are you doing, sneaking a boy into your room—?! And Adrien Agreste, no less! When the two of you wake up, you are both GROUNDED!_ "

At the sound of "grounded", Sabine ventured her way upstairs to see what was going on.

"Tom? What's going on u— _Marinette!_ _起床了！_ "

Somehow, both teenagers failed to wake up. Even after all that noise. Apparently, they can't run on 4 hours of sleep. **(A/N only 4? amateurs)**

Just then, Anhilare had a _brilliant_ idea. Yahweh completely agreed to it, and he planted the idea into the parents' minds.

The two adults looked at each other, pure evil in their eyes. There was no _way_ they weren't doing it.

First, Sabine managed to get ahold of Nathalie Sancœur. She talked to her about what happened, and to her pleasant surprise, she found herself on the phone with Gabriel Agreste.

"That's a brilliant plan," he praised. "I've been on the SS Adrienette for a while now. I'll provide some higher quality materials, to prevent the operation from ending at an earlier time."

After receiving the materials from Gabriel and the all clear signal from Sabine, Tom picked up the sleeping kids and wrapped them in the luxurious blankets. Leaving his wife to man (woman?) the store, he carried the swaddled children to the school and gently laid them down on Marinette's bench.

Oh, and they didn't even bother changing their pajamas.

* * *

 **This is complete garbage. I hate it** **. (not really)**

 **If you don't hate it, though, I'll continue it.**

 **I don't know any Chinese, so correct me if I'm wrong: 「起床了！」means "Wake up!"**


	2. Something this author lacks (quies)

**It's been a week!**

 **Or two!**

 **Or one-and-a-half!**

 **I don't know and I don't care! Let's get on with the story, shall we!**

 **oh btw i edited ch1, k**

* * *

Surprisingly, no one noticed the two corpses sprawled on the benches until second period. Everyone'd just assumed that the two were _late_ again.

They were _tardy_.

 _Absent_.

 _Truant_.

Oh so coincidentally, Alya decided to take advantage of Adrien's absency (I know it's absence. Let me have some fun.) and made herself at home next to Nino.

The pair likely would have remained unnoticed for the whole day if it weren't for a timely Divine Intervention.

«ܩܰܕܺܝܫܰܬ ܐܰܠܗܳܐ. ܩܕܺܝܫܰܬ ܚܰܝܠܬ̣ܳܢܳܐ. ܩܰܕܺܫܰܬ ܠܳܐ ܡܳܝܽܘܬ̣ܳܐ ܕܐܶܨܠܶܒܬ ܚܠܳܦܰܝܢ ܐܶܬ̣ܪܰܚܰܡܥܠܰܝܢ.» said Jesus Christ.

No one understood a thing. No one recognized the voice. None of them recognized the language, either. People were just looking around, when Ivan saw the pile Adrinette was in.

"Hey, look at this," he said.

Curious, everyone turned to face what he was pointing to. Then Mme. Bustier _screamed_.

" _No!_ I marked them absent on my attendance roster!" She was in a full-blown panic. "But they were here the whole time! Asleep, though."

As a teacher, it is Mme. Bustier's God-given right to Wake Up her students. And as a human being, she is entitled to exact vengeance on those who have wronged her.

Why not do both? Multitasking.

Those kids were going to pay for being _late_ so often.

They were always _tardy_.

 _Absent_.

 _Truant_.

Mme. Bustier wanted no more of that, so she told her class to "get out your phones, everybody!" and had everyone "begin recording, okay?"

The first thing she noticed was a letter addressed _ad magistram_.

As the _magistra_ of the class, Mme. Bustier opened the letter.

 _Magistra,_

 _Marinetta Hadriānusque cum eōs dēprehenderimus dormīverunt. Eōs excitāre at eōs scholam deërrāre nōluimus, ita hūc subterdūximus. Suntne dulcēs?_

 _-Pānis rūsticī agere_

Mme. Bustier, being educated in Latin, perfectly understood what was written. She read the translation aloud, and there was a combination of laughter and outrage.

"Oh my _goahd_ , whoever did that is so evil!"

"Marinette managed to get close enough to Adrien to _share a bed?_ And I didn't find out?!"

"Adrien _actually_ liked her back?"

"Who the flying hell is 'the making of rustic bread'?"

The questions flew around until a groggy Marinette tried to sit up.

Keyword: tried.

Adrien had been spooning her, and he groaned when he felt her shift away. To rectify the situation, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her toward his chest.

"I don't wanna go home yet, Mari," he barely articulated. "Let me stay a little longer."

"No, Adrien," a half-dead Marinette replied from his chest. "If you keep pushing to stay, we'll get caught." She put her hand on his heart and snuggled deeper into his chest.

No one moved as they watched the mortifying scene. That is, until one Chloé Bourgeois said,

"Ugh, the one time the lesson is actually interesting and the class is interrupted by Adrienette, of all things. Let's get this over with. WAKE UP. WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR PDA. WE DO NOT NEED YOUR DISTRACTION TO THE LESSON. WAKE UP. _EXCITĀTE_. اُصْحُوَا. IT'S NOT THAT HARD."

When Chloé uttered the consonant cluster [sˁħ], everyone woke up. There's nothing like a throaty 'h' scratching at your ears to wake you up, especially from Chloé's mouth.

So Marinette and Adrien gained more consciousness and realized that—

"We're not in my room..."

* * *

 **This will now be a three-shot.**

 **Translations:**

 **ܩܰܕܺܝܫܰܬ ܐܰܠܗܳܐ. ܩܕܺܝܫܰܬ ܚܰܝܠܬ̣ܳܢܳܐ. ܩܰܕܺܫܰܬ ܠܳܐ ܡܳܝܽܘܬ̣ܳܐ ܕܐܶܨܠܶܒܬ ܚܠܳܦܰܝܢ ܐܶܬ̣ܪܰܚܰܡܥܠܰܝܢ.**

 **This language is Syriac. The reason I chose Syriac as Jesus' speech is because it's a dialect of the language he spoke. Also I want to represent my fellow Oriental Orthodox Christians.**

 **Transliteration (may not reflect pronunciation, plus there's typos I can't fix): _Qadiyšat Al_** ** _[o]ho, Qadiyšat_** _ **ḥaylṯono, Qadiyšat lo moyuwṯo de**_ ** _ṣ_** _ **lebt ḥlopayn eṯra**_ ** _ḥ_** _ **am'layn.**_

 **IPA pronunciation (as I judge to be): [qadiʃat aloho qadiʃat ħajelθono qadiʃat lo mojuθo des** **ˁə** **lebət ħəlofajn eθəraħameʕəlajn] (I probably butchered that, but oh well. Sorry, Syriacs)**

 **„Holy God, Holy Almighty** **, Holy Immortal who has risen from the dead, have mercy on us."**

 ** _ad_** ** _magistram: „_ to the [female] ****teacher"**

 **It's** **just** **Latin**

 ** _Magistra,_**

 ** _Marinetta Hadriānusque cum eōs dēprehenderimus dormiebant. Eōs excitāre at eōs scholam deërrāre nōluimus, ita hūc subterdūximus. Suntne dulcēs?_**

 ** _-Pānis rūsticī agere_**

 **It's Latin that I made all by myself.**

 **„[female] teacher,**

 **Marinette** **and Adrien were sleeping when we discovered them. We did not wish to arouse them, but we did not wish them to miss school, therefore we secretly carried then to this place. Aren't they cute?**

 **-The making of rustic bread"**

 **Let me straighten out the cryptic sender. In French, _du pain_ means 'of bread', and _agreste_ means 'rustic'. In Mandarin, _成 (Chéng)_ means 'make'. So I put Dupain-Cheng and Agreste together, just translated to Latin.**

 ** _Goahd_ is an English variant of 'God' and is to be pronounced [gɔɑ̯d].**

 ** _excitāte!_ : „wake up!"**

 **Latin again**

 **اُصْحُوَا: „wake up [you both]"**

 **It's pronounced _uṣḥuwa_ (IPA: [usˁħuwæ], I think), and it is dual imperative, which doesn't exist in our language. It's basically a command diracted at exactly two people.**

 **The language is Arabic, which i don't speak. So sorry if anything is wrong.**


	3. This is by FAR the worst chapter

**God, the PSAT was _ridiculously_ easy. I can't wait to see my score in December**

 **Oh, and does anyone happen to know what the standard deviation of a 1001-value set with mean $29,946 is? I'm talking about that one question in section 3.**

 **(Is the answer to that question A, B, C, or D? A was $4,000, B was $8,000, C was $12,000, and D was $16,000, just in case you don't remember.)**

 **Other than that one question, it was _so easy._**

 **(I ate bits and bobs of tomato, clam, and shrimp for dinner, eating my food with an electric toothbrush. For my drink, I had a classic smoothie with a health boost.)**

* * *

"No, you aren't in your room," said Chloé.

Marinette and Adrien looked like they were caught doing something absolutely scandalous, like fornication.

Puh- _lease. Yeah_ , you were sleeping together. Just not like _that_.

"Well, then. That's just marvelous, ain't it. So, how did we get here?" said Marinette.

"Parentēs tuī hūc subterdūxerunt," answered Mme. Bustier

"What?"

The class only laughed. Some people zoomed into Marinette's face à la Snapchat when she said "what?"

Adrien was even more confused than Marinette, since he recognized the luxurious blankets as coming from his own house.

How's in the _world_ did they get to school, especially with those blankets?

Marinette was about to continue her one-sided war when Mme. Bustier said, "Alright, everyone, it's lunchtime. Go home!"

Everyone sniggered out the door, leaving a bewildered Marinette and Adrien.

"So, we're still in our pajamas. How're we gonna get home without embarrassing ourselves further...?"

Adrienette agreed to go to Marinette's house and have Adrien be picked up from there.

Naturally, the parents, being evil geniuses, had foreseen that move and planned accordingly.

Marinette and Adrien walked out of the school wrapped up in the blankets toga-style, only to be greeted by Adrien's limousine.

"I have to go," said a dejected Adrien.

"Yes, you do," replied Nathalie, "and Marinette is coming with us."

Marinette tried and failed to protest. She was subsequently tossed into the car (along with Adrien) by Gorilla.

Ooga booga.

Adrien was confused. But that's nothing unusual.

So, they pulled into the mansion, where they were greeted by Gabriel.

"Father?" said Adrien. "Why are you here?"

"This is my house."

"This is the first time you have waited for me here."

Gabriel knew this wasn't true. He'd waited countless times there, but Adrien'd always be _late_.

He'd be _tardy._

 _Absent._

 _Truant._

Gabriel is an impatient man. He's also quite busy running a successful capitalist enterprise, thank-you-very-much.

"Untrue," he said. "This is the first time I've waited here for Mlle. Dupain-Cheng."

Wild Aᴅʀɪᴇɴ used ᴛᴇᴇɴᴀɢᴇ ᴍᴏᴘɪɴɢ on Gᴀʙʀɪᴇʟ! No effect!

Gᴀʙʀɪᴇʟ used sᴘɪᴛᴇ on wild Aᴅʀɪᴇɴ! It's super effective!

Wild Aᴅʀɪᴇɴ fainted!

Basically, Gabriel invited them for lunch "to meet Adrien's girlfriend". He also said the blankets were a gift to the two of them for their use "to ensure you sleep with the utmost comfort. I'd only want the best for my only child's girlfriend, after all."

Because the blankets were so soft, Adrienette would soon find themselves waking up in school no less than 57 times before the birth of Marinette's first child.

How scandalous!

Only years later would they grow enough brain cells to figure out that their own parents were the cause of their highschool sleep troubles.

I'm only kidding about their dumbness. But _man,_ are those two oblivious. I wouldn't be surprised at all if something similar were to happen in the actual show and the two wouldn't have a darn clue.

* * *

 **I got lazy at the end. Sue me.**

 **If any of you are confused by any PSAT question, ask me and I'll try to help you. I'm pretty confident that I did well (shameless self-advertising right there).**

 **That's the end of this. I'm not writing any more of this one. I'll try to churn out other, better, more serious ONE-shots, uhh, _in the near future._**

 **I also won't translate the Latin for you. All the resources are present in the last chapter, except that _tuī_ means 'your'. Basically, you need to actually use your brains, _nooo!_**


End file.
